Food: The Next Bright Moment In Your Day
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You wake up, go to work, go back home, run errands, take care of other obligations and responsibilities, cook dinner, watch TV, and go to bed. The next day, it's pretty much the same thing.
In the middle of the day, you think about how good it would feel to eat X, Y, or Z. You have the debate in your head. Still, the anticipation of having those foods makes you look forward to eating them. Food is the next bright point in the day.
One day, perhaps you wake up and think you've been indulging too much. Or maybe the thought comes now as you read these lines and realize that's exactly what's been happening to you. The next thought, though, brings with it guilt and shame.
How did this happen? Why didn't you control yourself? Why can't you keep your mouth shut? Well, there's only one thing to do now, right? Let's cut out all those foods.
Before you do that, grab a drink you enjoy and get comfortable. I will tell you why this is happening, why that's not the solution, and what you can do instead.
From the surface to the cause
First, I invite you to think about and feel the emotion(s) resulting from the described situation.
'Blegh' comes to my mind. However, if you stop and ask yourself what's happening, you might find feelings like boredom, apathy, frustration, and even stress. When I recall the times that these moments colored my life, I can bring those emotions back: I was bored because I felt like I was living in "Groundhog Day," but stressed because I had tons of things to do for work and I was frustrated because I wanted to do other things but had no energy to do them. I felt stuck and unhappy.
Those emotions can be unpleasant, and accepting them is not easy. Even more so when you haven't been taught how to recognize, understand, and regulate your emotions in a healthy way. Not knowing how to regulate in a healthy way doesn't mean you don't regulate; it means you do it in a way that feels good temporarily but hurts you in the long run.
How? Some people game, others shop, some drink alcohol, and some, the ones with an unhealthy relationship with food, feel pulled towards the foods they label as bad.
Emotional eating is not about eating while we feel an emotion; emotions are always there. Emotional eating is about eating to cope with emotions. Big or small, pleasant or unpleasant, sudden or gradual, whether we are aware of the unpleasant emotions or not. It's a way to avoid those emotions by eating to feel better, comfort, self-soothe, and fill a void. It's eating when we're not physically hungry.
So we're in a moment when life feels unexcited, which makes us feel an array of unpleasant emotions (frequently without our awareness of them). We're wired to move away from pain or towards pleasure. So, if food is your way to cope, it's only natural that it is seen as the next bright point in your day.
When life feels this way, and you see yourself turning to food, what is food giving you? Food gives you the moment of joy you're lacking in your life. We're so busy with work, obligations, responsibilities, and so on that we forget to 'play' and care for ourselves how we need (and deserve) to.
Restricting food is not the answer
By now, you probably understand better why you might turn to food when life feels 'blegh.' Food is your source of joy.
What will happen if you try what we all (wrongly) think we need to do? What will happen when you start a new diet and restrict all the foods you feel pulled towards? You will eliminate the only source of joy you have now!
Focusing on food not only stays at a surface level (so you won't get the results you hope for) but will also backfire sooner or later because restriction leads to feelings of deprivation, which leads to overeating. The cause that makes you feel pulled towards food is not being dealt with.
You might be thinking, well, find another source of joy! And yes, we do need to do that. But it would be irresponsible to eliminate food as a source of joy and pleasure. Is it wrong to find joy in eating? Absolutely not! Food is joy, food is connection, and food is meant to be enjoyed. The problem is when joy is ONLY found in food, which will affect our overall health, well-being, self-confidence, and self-esteem.
What is joy anyway?
Joy is an internal experience of peace and happiness that arises when something in your life aligns with your values. For example, you can volunteer for a cause, organize a surprise party, watch your kids play, or call a loved one. Joy can be found anywhere, anytime, when we pay attention.
We tend to think of joy as an immense feeling of happiness when something big and good happens, like getting the job you wanted. And although yes, that might give you joy, joy is much more than that. Joy comes from paying attention to how little things can make us feel good and bring a smile, from appreciating all those little moments that warm our hearts to cherishing the good in our lives.
Even though this might be tricky to believe, with the right mindset, there's ALWAYS something good in our lives. Even in the most challenging times when everything seems to be against us.
Adding more joy to your life
Joy is bio-individual, meaning different things can bring joy to different people. We're all different and must discover what gives us joy regardless of what others do or say. Some people might enjoy a 5-hour hike, but that would only be enjoyable for some.
That being said, there are simple things we can do to start bringing more joy into our lives and developing a greater sense of satisfaction and happiness despite everything that might be happening.
On an everyday basis:
Appreciate what you have
Instead of focusing on all the things you may lack in your life, focus on the things you have that make your life easier, more enjoyable, more authentic, and more exciting. This doesn't mean not working for what you want. Instead, it means appreciating what you have while working to achieve other things you want.
Cultivate gratitude
Feelings of gratitude are linked with feeling more joyful in the future. Don't stop at appreciating what you have and are surrounded by; go a step further and feel gratitude for what is and isn't. It's easy to feel self-pity when we have an illness, but we forget to be grateful when we’re in good health. We tend to take things for granted, so stopping for 5 minutes to be thankful will help you see everything you already have that brings you joy.
Be present
All our worries, to-do lists, obligations, and responsibilities lead us to be constantly thinking about what's to come, what we need to do, how we're going to do the next thing or think about what happened, what we said, what we did, what was done to us, and so on. The problem with this? You're missing out on what's happening NOW. Maybe you're watching a movie with your partner or a friend. You're there, but your mind is somewhere else. By the end of the movie, you can barely talk about it because you were not present. And yes, it's just a movie, so it's not a big deal. Unfortunately, this happens constantly, even when people talk to us (and we're supposed to listen). We might miss an important part of a conversation, a moment to laugh, a beautiful sunset, or many things we ignore without knowing.
Find joy in everyday things
I know it's not always easy, believe me. Our brains are wired to spot the danger and the negative, but the more you do it, the more you'll train your brain to notice the positive and joyful things around you. Instead of being mad at traffic, can you look around and find a kid smiling at you, a dog with their head out of the window, colorful flowers by the road...? So many things we can focus on that bring a smile instead of a frown to our face.
Expanding joy:
Get clear on your values
Our values can be like our compass, showing us the path toward what we want more of in our lives. If I value family, I will ensure I spend quality time with my family. If I value health, I'll make sure to move my body and find a balanced way of eating that works for me.
Learn new things
There are so many things we don't know! Educating ourselves on things that interest us can bring a great deal of joy and satisfaction as we fulfill a desire to know more about something.
With our busy lives, we tend to stop learning once we have our jobs or learn only about our areas of expertise. However, novelty and learning new things are great ways to keep our brains active (creating new neurons and neuropathways) and find gratification.
Explore hobbies
Hobbies are an excellent way to find a self-expression outlet. Be it artistic, physical, or creative. Since hobbies are done for pleasure, they are a great way to bring joy into one's life. Often, we resist exploring hobbies because it requires time, and it may take some more to find what we like and get to a level where we move from the frustration of learning to the joy of getting into the flow.
Remember that if you don't try something that gets your attention, you'll never know if you like it. You need practice to get comfortable with something. Instead of focusing on the outcome, focus on the experience.
Make self-care a priority
Let's be straightforward: self-care is NOT selfish; it’s necessary. First, you can't give from an empty cup. Second, you are responsible for your well-being. If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
Self-care is not just the occasional massage; it's the daily things you do to improve your overall health and well-being. Self-care is about nourishing and moving your body, connecting with yourself, others, and nature, giving and receiving, setting boundaries, and looking at your life to see what's working and what's not working so you can make intentional decisions.
Shaking things up
Now that you know how to bring more joy into your life, it's time to be realistic and see how you can implement your ideas.
The key point here is to find the balance that works for you.
More often than not, people leave the 'fun and play' for the weekend or days off. Even though it's great to have plans to look forward to on our days off, doing it this way will lead to the feeling that life only happens on those days and that the rest are for work and obligations. When we feel like life only happens on the weekends, we might use those 'life days' to enjoy all the foods that bring us joy and comfort.
Life happens every day
The first four techniques for bringing more joy into your life are actions you can do every day and won't take more than 5 minutes. You can implement these throughout your day by increasing awareness of what's happening around you and challenging negative thoughts by choosing to look at the bright side.
When it comes to expanding joy through learning, hobbies, and self-care, I encourage you to do one little thing every day and create a routine so that by the end of the week, you've done little things that bring you joy every day.
A more joyful life
When there's a lack of joy in our lives, food can become the next bright moment in the day, which makes us feel addicted to food. It feels scary, and we think there's something wrong with us. However, the tools we have to face this feeling (dieting, willpower, distraction) make it worse every time we try them.
Instead of focusing on food, we must focus on why we turn to food. Often, the cause is a lack of joy in our lives, which brings a feeling of dissatisfaction we try to fill with tasty foods.
Having this information and skill set empowers us to take action and work on finding the balance that works for us, where we find joy in little things in life and create a day-by-day that fills our cup and makes us feel our life is more than work, that our life gives us plenty of reasons to feel appreciative, grateful, and joyful, and that we can create those moments.
But we are the ones that need to take action.
If you’re ready to take action, here’s something you can do: download your Ultimate Guide to End Emotional Eating!
