prioritizing self-care: why it’s essential to overcoming emotional eating
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Taking care of myself? I don’t have time for that…
How many times have you thought or said those words? I can say that until just a few years ago I had the limiting belief that self-care was selfish or unnecessary. Making time for it was definitely not a priority for me.
When I started my coaching training I understood that health and well-being don’t come only from what you eat, they are the manifestation of a balanced life inside and outside the plate. And self-care is an active part on finding that balance. As I was introduced to the real meaning of self-care, I was able to reflect and understand how the lack of it was having an impact on my eating habits.
This understanding allowed me to shift my mindset around self-care and look at it as something necessary not only for my mental, but also for my physical and emotional health. Incorporating self-care into my daily habits opened up a space to tune in and discover what I truly wanted. I learned what it meant for me to take care of myself, which allows me to live a more fulfilling life where food is just one more part of life.
Lack of self-care leads to emotional eating
We live in a society on the go. We hear about stress, about not having time, about bad sleep, dead lines, shoulds and coulds. We live in a society with a lot of expectations build up upon us regarding everything from our careers, to our appearance, or how we behave. And in the middle of all this, taking care of ourselves takes not a second or third place, but is reserved for when everything else is done (even though that list never ends). Unfortunately very few times self-care is looked at as something necessary for our well-being, and can even be described as selfish.
What is the result? The result is people getting burned out, people doing what they think they should instead of what they truly want and need, people that don’t believe they deserve to take care of themselves before they can cross every little thing off their to-do list, people not able to set healthy boundaries (yes, this is self-care), and even people that simply can’t enjoy life itself.
When you don’t meet your needs, you don’t do things you truly want for yourself, you’re constantly in the doing and never in the being, food (especially fun foods) becomes an easy way to stimulate the release of the feel good hormones. It can become what gives you a break from a frantic life where taking care of yourself is not the most pressing matter.
You’ve learned that food makes you feel better, even if it’s temporarily. It’s a way to distract yourself and even have “an excuse” to stop for a moment. It can become THE moment you have for yourself. And what could be better than having those foods you love and make you feel good? When we have an unhelpful relationship with food and have trouble listening to our body, food is often used as a way to cope with emotions that we don’t want to feel. Self-care encourages you to tune in to your body and listen to it so that you can give yourself what you need in order to find balance and fulfillment in your life.
You can think about it as using food as a band-aid. We go on with our to-do lists and our responsibilities, we feel all kinds of emotions that we “don’t really have time to feel” (or unconsciously we don’t want to), we don’t take time to eat, sleep and reset, we even forget how to breathe properly. With all this we disregard the importance of having hobbies, having meaningful relationships, connecting with nature, having “me time”, and simply looking at taking care of our physical, mental, and emotional health. And when there’s a lack of attention in all these areas of life, an imbalance takes place that pushes us to look for some kind of relief and joy in food, like a band-aid as we’re not addressing the underlying causes of what’s lacking in our lives.
Unfortunately this may not just stop there. Because often times when you are using food with other purposes than physical nourishment, there may be a tendency to overeat to the point of being uncomfortably full, and to feel guilty and ashamed for turning to food. And, even though it might sound counterproductive, because it’s difficult to deal with those feelings, eating seems to help. And just like this, you enter in an emotional eating cycle that leaves you feeling that you have a problem, that you can’t be trusted around food, and even that there’s something wrong with you.
What self-care truly means
What would happen if you incorporate self-care? Only good things! But first, it’s essential to understand what does it really mean. What comes to your mind when you hear self-care? If you are anything like I was, getting the occasional massage is the first thing I’d think about. And although that is a great way to give yourself some love and care, self-care should be much more than that.
You can look at self-care as any activity that nurtures and nourishes you at a deep level. It’s any action and behavior that you do with the intention of supporting your health (physical, mental and emotional) and well-being. It comes from a place of self-respect, self-love, and self-compassion, and from wanting to become a better version of yourself, the one YOU want.
The concept of self-care can seem broad and confusing, and not understanding its full potential can lead to not fully get its benefits. When talking about self-care the options are limitless! The key is to identify which areas of your life need attention and engage in activities that support you on a regular basis. For this it’s important to make a consistent commitment and expand your routine of caring for yourself to nourish all levels of your being.
Although self-care is something bio-individual, there are some activities and habits that have been shown to have a positive impact in our health and well-being. Here are some examples:
YOU are in charge of your well-being
You might be wondering why incorporating self-care would have such an impact. First we need to recognize that self-care can look different to each person as we all enjoy, like and need different things. This means that you’re not following trends or designed plans, you’re engaging in habits, routines and behaviors that support YOUR unique needs and desires.
Emotional eating means reaching out to food for other purposes than physical nourishment. Sadness, boredom, distraction, celebration, loneliness, reward, self-judgment... We all have different reasons to turn to food to feel good or better. Because yes, food brings joy! The problem is when it’s the only way we feel some kind of joy and relief. Here is where self-care is a great tool that comes to meet your needs, not only on a daily basis, but in challenging moments.
When self-care is a part of your daily life you feel more balanced and fulfilled because you work on meeting your needs in all areas of life. And this means that food ceases to be your number one coping mechanism.
You might not want to read this, but it’s YOUR responsibility to take the time to connect and take care of yourself. You are the only person that knows what makes you feel good, what makes you feel alive, what makes you want to get up in the morning. You’re the only person that can give all those things to yourself. The first step towards change is awareness, followed by acceptance. Once you are aware of the things that are lacking and accept it without judgment, you can star taking action.
Great. But where to begin?
Understand the importance of self-care and what it means to you
Visualize how different would your life be if you were to empower yourself with self-care. How would you and the ones around you benefit from it? Then, commit to start incorporating self-care into your daily life. Reflect on what’s important to you, want do you want, what do you need, how you want your life to be like.
Set boundaries
Make your self-care practice non negotiable. Remember that you can’t give from an empty cup, so taking time to fill that cup will only be beneficial. Explain to your loved ones what you’re doing and why so that they can understand and respect your boundaries.
Ask for help
Oftentimes our to do list can be reduced by prioritizing and delegating. Remember that you will be more productive and motivated to do the things you need to, if you first take care of yourself and when you know that you will be doing something for yourself. Rather than looking at asking for help as a weakness, look at it as a sign of self-love and self-respect.
Start small
Start with small changes that you can incorporate easily and that you know can have a positive impact. Give yourself permission for trial and errors and discover the routines and habits that truly resonate with you and make you feel good. Self-care can’t become one more thing to cross off your to-do list, it needs to be something you are looking forward to doing.
Put it in your calendar
Telling ourselves we are going to do something often equals to not doing it for whatever excuse we find, especially if we feel kind of guilty for taking that time for ourselves instead of being productive going through the to-do list. However, when things are on our calendar, they tend to be seen as more necessary or worth doing, and it’s because of that that any self-care activity we want to incorporate in our life should be in that calendar. Write it down, and commit to it!
Create a self-care menu
We’re all bio-individuals and our needs and desires are different. Work on discovering all the activities, habits and routines that you like, enjoy, and support your overall health and well-being. Create a list of all those things for each area of your life and always continue exploring and add to the list (and cross too if needed!). Beyond incorporating daily self-care activities, this list will also be there in moments where you might find yourself turning to food for other purposes than nourishment.
A little something to help you
Because I know that it can be overwhelming to know where to start, here’s a handout with examples of self-care routines and activities that you can start incorporating in your life. These are only examples and it’s not meant to be a list to go through. It’s important that you tune in and do things that YOU enjoy and that support your unique needs, wants, and desires.
To end...
Now that you see all the possibilities of self-care, I invite you to close your eyes and imagine a life where you’ve made a part of you to make yourself a priority. Imagine all the activities that you enjoy and support your health and well-being, being non negotiable. How does that feel? What does it look like? Can you see how your life could improve in all areas?
This is what a past client of mine had to say at the end of our work together, which involved a shift on her mindset around the importance of taking care of one’s needs, wants and desires.
“To easily reach my goals Duna taught me the whole package concept of Mind, Body and Soul. Along with my initial goals she taught the importance of Self Care and The Circle of Life which impacted my daily routine, mood and relationships. She had me focus and realize what is important to me.” [Jennifer]
