Embrace your body: your journey to self-love
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You go to a social gathering to have a good time with friends. But then you spend a reasonable amount of time just looking around, comparing your body to other people's bodies. You wonder why you can't have that same body and wish you could have it while eating whatever you want. In this context, you may restrict yourself from eating whatever is around you because you feel ashamed of your body, or you may eat anything and everything that's around you to help you cope with the uncomfortable feelings that come up with this comparison game.
Is this you? It was me a few years back, for sure.
You might have heard about body positivity and how you "should" accept and love your body. But that makes you feel even more guilty because you struggle to accept your body. But stick with me because I'm not here to convince you to love your body. I want to help you move from hating your body to feeling neutral. Body positivity can only come after that.
Body image and emotional well-being
When you feel uncomfortable in your skin, you avoid looking at the mirror, shopping for clothes is triggering, you compare your body to other people's bodies, and you obsess over what to eat or how much to eat; it's like being at war with your body. Because when that's our day-by-day, what do we do? We engage in restrictive diets and workout plans we hate to modify our bodies in an attempt to reach confidence, acceptance, worthiness, and happiness. That's what we're sold: everything else falls into place when you get that ideal body.
The result of all this is a huge impact, not only on physical health but also on mental and emotional well-being. If you've been in this position, you might have felt how your confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love decrease while self-judgment, guilt, shame, and unworthiness increase to make you think you are the problem.
But you know what? In my experience, when you get to that number on the scale, IT'S NEVER ENOUGH! There's always more fat to get rid of, more muscle to build, or even one size down more. That happiness, confidence, and acceptance you've been working so hard to get by punishing yourself and your body don't come when those pounds are off.
By being at war with your body, not only do you suffer because of all the negative self-talk, but it can go as far as isolating yourself due to how ashamed and uncomfortable you feel in your body. You might start saying no to going to a restaurant with friends, no to enjoying a sunny day at the beach or pool, no to being intimate with someone, no to going shopping with your best friend and so on.
Unfortunately, this issue doesn't only affect a few people but a large amount of women and also men. Every day, we see so many people doing crazy things to modify their bodies, to make their bodies thinner, no matter the price, even when the price is their health, without them realizing it.
From body shame to emotional eating
Put together an unhealthy relationship with food with body shame, and you have the perfect combo to engage in emotional eating behaviors. It seems counterproductive, but it makes sense when you understand that food can make you feel better (even though it's a temporary relief).
First, by engaging in strict diets or food rules, you create tension and a sense of deprivation that you try to fight with willpower. But willpower is a finite source, and when you get to the bottom of it, you're left with nothing but an urge that feels impossible to resist. To that, we can add the guilt for not being able to do "what you're supposed to", with messages saying "it's not that hard" that fill you with shame and a sense of unworthiness. You can't find another reason than you being the problem.
Suppose you don't have other coping mechanisms than reaching out to food. In that case, it is only normal that in these moments, you can't help but grab some of your comfort foods to feel somehow better (because of the release of the hormones that happen when we eat certain foods). Once you start, it's often quite difficult to stop due to the feelings of deprivation for the food rules, an "all-or-nothing" mentality, or how mindless this kind of eating usually is.
After the temporary release, however, when you think about "what you did", the guilt and shame become even stronger. All kinds of uncomfortable and negative thoughts come to tell you how bad you are and how you're never going to be able to be like anyone else and feel neutral around food, not to mention the physical discomfort that you might also feel.
At this point, you might think you need to start a diet again or think you're a lost cause. The emotional eating cycle is bound to repeat itself once again to try to deal with how you feel about yourself, your body, and everything around food.
I think it's safe to say that body shame leads to dieting, and dieting leads to body shame. Not only that, but both lead to entering an emotional eating cycle when you want to avoid all those uncomfortable feelings you have towards yourself.
How did I get at war with my body?
As we grow up, we receive messages from our environment. Our parents, other family members, caretakers, friends, teachers. But also everything on TV, magazines or the internet. Through all the messaging, we create our beliefs around what a body should look like to be acceptable, what we should do if we don't fit into that ideal body, and the belief that only a specific type of body equals health and beauty.
We can all agree that diet culture and media are the significant causes of people's dissatisfaction with their bodies because they "don't fit" into society's standards. We are constantly bombarded with ads with thin people and new diets that promise to be THE ONE to be thin and healthy.
But who establishes those standards? They've been changing throughout history. Many years ago, being bigger was "sexy" as it meant that you had money and access to food. But nowadays, the media wants you to think that being thin is a sign of health and that if you have "extra" pounds, it's because you're lazy and don't want to give up "bad" foods or exercise daily.
At the same time, food considered healthy is more expensive, and we're surrounded by ads that promote the more unhealthy options. You can go to a grocery store and find amazing deals on sugary processed food that is more attractive and cheaper than fresh fruit or vegetables. Talk about confusion!
How to start making peace with your body
I know from experience how hard it is to feel neutral about your body. My whole life, I felt at war with mine. Often, I wished I could grab scissors and cut off all the fat I could hold with my hand. Have you felt this way?
We can agree that no one should feel ashamed of their body and do anything to modify it to feel loved, accepted, or worthy. We are much more than our bodies. So it's time to shift our mindset and start seeing our body as our ally because that's what it is.
How to move from body hatred to body neutrality
First things first (little journaling exercise)
Get a drink you enjoy, ask not to be distracted and put your phone in silence, light up a candle or some incense, put some good music if you like, and finally, get a pen and paper.
Spend some time to reflect and answer these questions:
Some changes to work on:
- Watch the negative thoughts and self-talk towards your body and learn to reframe them to more neutral and supportive ones.
- Catch yourself when you're comparing your body to other’s (remember that you don’t know other people’s circumstances).
- Stop dieting to learn to eat more intuitively without restrictions while nourish the body, mind, and soul.
- Ditch the scale. The number you see on the scale, no matter if it's higher or lower than you imagined, has the potential to lead to emotional eating.
- Throw away clothes that don't fit anymore. Keeping smaller clothes is a poor motivator.
- Practice gratitude toward the things you can appreciate about your body and yourself.
- Do nice things for your body (eat nutritious foods, move your body in a way that feels good, shower regularly, get enough sleep).
- Use your body to cultivate joy and pleasure.
- Get support! Moving through body struggles is hard, and having someone to support and guide you through your journey can go a long way.
To end
Your body is your vehicle to live your life. Without it, you couldn't be here. Instead of trying to shrink your body to be thinner and feel accepted, you can start viewing your body as what allows you to do anything you want to do in your life.
It's important to understand that body image refers to how we feel about our bodies and our thoughts around them in the here and now. This means that even after making peace with your body, bad body image days will happen. However, how we respond to those days will make all the difference.
Remember that loving your body for its appearance won't last forever. Our bodies change as we age and need to adapt to the change. However, if you accept and respect your body for what it does for you and for what it lets you do, that love and care can last until the very last day.
